Why Are You Angry?
It used to be rare for me to have to deal with angry people face to face, especially when I was visiting a place of business for the first time. But, it happened a few years ago that my young daughter had a bad chest cold and the doctor out of an abundance of caution directed us to go get a chest x-ray.
The radiologist burst through the lobby door complaining about how the requisition we had was hardly legible. It fell in the parking lot into some snow as we were unloading the stroller for my other daughter who had joined us. He then looked down at the stroller and said “you can’t bring that in”. He seemed to have an agenda.
Another person convinced him to let me come in but he continued to gripe. Finally, I turned to him and asked him “Why are you angry?” It wasn’t “why are you so angry?” or “why are you being a jerk?” or accusatory. It was just curiosity.
However, that question seemed to completely knock him over. He perhaps didn’t think he was acting angry. He seemed to be oblivious to how he was acting. The question shook him, instantly changed his demeanour, and then he answered “I’m not.”
It’s not that you can use certain phrases to magically unlock and control humans like a pickup artist. However, what I learned was more about myself — that treating a situation that’s aggravating with curiosity rather than reacting to it can lead to better outcomes for everyone.
