Pain and Temperament
Some academic sources classify anger as either a “secondary emotion” or not an emotion at all. Always, there is something else underneath that is exists first and is then expressed as anger. I’m borrowing this from a recent parenting course I took and it’s almost cartoonishly clear when dealing with kids.
One of my daughters had, well, a boo-boo, and this boo-boo was a literally a sore spot but also a metaphorical. “Why does it hurt so much!? How did I get this?” The friction between her and her siblings increased much more as a result of the pain and she was snapping at them much more then usual.
In a calm analysis, this seems so straight forward. Someone’s in pain, which is why they’re more likely to get upset. However, when confronted with the anger straight on, our own defences get alerted and it’s very difficult to see past it to the underlying pain. However, acknowledging the anger and that primary emotion can help diffuse the situation. The pain no longer needs to manifest itself as anger to be communicated.
Often, in customer facing roles, we deal with people who are upset. Behind what sometimes is appalling behaviour is a normal and maybe even super-nice individual experiencing a lot of pain. Becoming an ally in removing it is a step to us all becoming happier.
